No Thanks

XV. 2019

Sitting here with my first morning cup of coffee of 2019 and cuddled up next to my love, I look back at 2018 with great trepidation but am hopeful that with time to reflect, I can begin to forgive and move into the new year filled with love, hope and honesty.

Looking back not just this past year but the last few years, I’ve often times found myself crippled by challenges, stung with emotional spirals and shocked by human nature. I identified myself by my fears, my mistakes and crucified my soul for the flaws I wear on my sleeve. In these times I sought solace in things I use to take for granted; the simpler things in life. Beginning with gratitude. To have another day in this lifetime to continue to learn should never be taken for granted, so long as you learn to remove yourself from the box society has built around you and break the boundaries you have been conditioned to live within since your early childhood.

From an early age, we are taught to laugh, to smile and to share. We are never taught to cry, to be silent and to live with empathy. Self care and looking after ones own well-being is perceived as selfishness. No matter how draining it can be to take care of others, both emotionally and physically, we are conditioned to believe this is the right thing to do, no matter how toxic and how much it can turn into living for someone else. Selfish behavior is not welcomed.

In 2019, I say fuck it. It’s time to change perspectives not just in how we live our lives but how we view life. Gone are the days where we are powerless by “I don’t know what to do”. There is always a way, you simply have to shift your perspective from materialism to humanity. We only have a short time together as mortals and if we live for other, we are only destroying the very essence of childhood innocence we so badly need. In order for us to live to our fullest potential and our highest purpose, firstly, it’s time for unapologetic self-love. Only then can we begin to give back to others (not just humans but our furry friends too) and begin to chase our dreams again without hesitation.

Humans, Experience, and Spirituality, enter and leave our lives for a reason, and in time, I’ve learned that this is ok. In fact, in many ways my heart opened up to individuals and energies that stayed and I have begun to open the crack to let more into my heart. For every attraction, there is something to be learned and to be discovered. To the individuals who stood by me when I was crippled and failed to peel myself off the floor to be available to them, I say thank you. Your selfless act of patience, loyalty and commitment was unwavering and I continue to be a better person because of each of you. To the subtle wave of light and positive energy slowly entering into my stratosphere, I take each wave in with open arms and gratitude.

For those who are toxic or simply no longer serve a purpose in our lives anymore, it’s time to let go. Let go not just of the individual, but of all the toxic and negative energy associated with the environment they dwell in. Give thanks for the time we spent together for there is always a lesson to be learned and move on. Free them and myself so that separately, we can grow and be better. Now is the time to create a new set of boundaries and remove the social conditioning that once colonized our very being. In time, the true purpose and destiny will reveal itself, when we’re ready.

I don’t know what 2019 has in store and although my anxiety is a reminder of my fear for what’s to come, I’m hopeful that I will continue to learn and grow. I have made a commitment to myself every day – forgive myself for fucking up which I know I will along the way and wear each scar proudly on my sleeve, stay humble, true, grateful and love myself. For I can only attain the highest purpose I was placed in this world for and serve others if I practice the act of self-love.

Narrative: Kaizen
Photography: Kaizen