No Thanks


Today was an emotionally challenging episode as I experienced the physical consequences of heartache in the form of paralysing anxiety attacks. Everyone has some rudimentary understanding that heartache triggers chemicals inside of you and for lack of a more scientific explanation, sends piercing pains through your heart. When someone says their heart hurts and they can't control the feeling, believe them. It’s not just a metaphor, it really hurts!

I was never good at science so I can’t offer anything in that arena but I can tell you this, heartache is real and it comes and goes. The universe has a funny way of throwing a curve ball at you just when you thought life was on the up and up. I experienced that again today and just as I was about to sit down to tackle some work, I was dealt with yet another blow. The feeling is paralysing as I failed to achieve anything I set out to do today. Only this time, no more tears. I was reminded that with each time, it gets a little better, a little better and then one day, everything will be ok. This is the mantra dad left me with and the very thing that carries me through each day.

So I decided to end this day with a simple accomplishment, breathing. Heartache is temporary, disappointment is knowledge, and moving forward comes in good time. The one thing I reminded myself of today was the capacity to grow and feel empathy. Once you love yourself, you have the capacity to fight through the heartache, live with empathy for those who once hurt you and be in control again. Refuse to let the feeling of paralysis stop you from moving forward and gaining control of your life again. Let’s also not forget, not everyone can be your Simba but when you find one, hold on to them tight and never take them for granted. When you feel paralysed, they are the ones that will hold your hand through the tough times and help lift you up.

Paralysing heartache is temporary. Loving yourself is permanent.

Narrative: Kaizen
Photography: Kaizen