No Thanks


If you can feel pain, then you know your growing.

The past 24 hours proved this theory to be true. In the face of heartache and loss, I embarked on yet another break through in self-discovery. What I didn’t realize was, it was right before my eyes. I’ve always been one to look into someone’s childhood to better understand how they are built and what they are made of. What I failed to look at was my own childhood. What was I denying, what was I running away from and not acknowledging? Why the sudden need to look back? What was the catalyst? Well, I was asked last night, why don’t you love yourself enough? We have to figure that part out. Once we figure that out, we can fix it. It’s easy, why? Because I believe you have the potential. That’s the mark of a true friendship.

Let’s begin by looking back. What was the conflict? What was said?

All my life, I’ve been told, you’re a lucky girl. Never having to go through any major tragedies in life, such a lucky girl. Congratulations on getting into Cornell, what a lucky girl! You only applied to one grad school? I asked around and heard Central Saint Martins is a great place for design, I guess you got lucky! Sounds like I had pretty good luck all my life right? From the sounds of it, I should be grateful, and believe me, I am. But luck is not the only thing that got me where I am today. I’d be damned if luck was the only reason because it begs the question, what have I have been working so hard for all my life? Then it became clear to me. I’ll take luck on my side any day but it’s not what I want to be recognized for. I hope one day to be recognized for passion, empathy and perseverance. There it is. The acknowledgement of luck is a funny one. Let’s not assume recognition to be the reason for working hard. But it beats luck and doubt any day.

Words are powerful. They are particularly impactful when spoken by loved ones and those you look up to. Recognition and encouragement within those carefully chosen words is also powerful. It shapes and can alter the trajectory of your life without you even realizing it until much later in life. It can also hold you back. But the big one is, it can make you think twice about your ability to move forward and achieve success. The creeping element of fear begins to seep through, like an invisible web, clouding your judgment and forcing you to crawl back into your safety net. Ah, fear. Then there is self doubt. Lack of confidence and broken self love. All these feelings join forces and form an invisible web.

It’s time. Time to acknowledge the existence of the web, break free of the web and begin cutting through.

“First the pain, then the rising.” – Glennon Doyle

Believe in you, Nurture you and love you.

Narrative: Kaizen
Photography: Kaizen